It's All in the Caption: Business Edition

Due to popular demand (the demand of amusing ourselves), we're back with another installment of It's All in the Caption. For those of you that missed the first edition, click here to catch up. Basically, we take a few stock photos and rewrite their captions without any regard to how search results would be effected. Of course, we don't recommend stock photography sites adopt this practice. Despite its potential hilarious results, messing with captions too much can make the images unsearchable.

But, for now, let's live in our pretend world where everything exists for entertainment purposes only.

© Prisma RF. Image #90900998.

Original caption: Businessmen with laptop.


Alternate caption: Guys in the business of being cool and looking off into the distance.


Alternate caption: Three men who got through business school on their looks alone. Now, they can't figure out how to make a laptop work. That's right. Just pretend like it's not there. 

© Juice Images Light. Image #21231.

Original caption: Businessmen shaking hands.

Alternate caption: Everything was going fine with our handshake until someone invited this third guy. Well, this is awkward.

Alternate caption: The first meeting of the Crazy Glue executives started well, until they started shaking hands. Someone call the CEO of solvents.

© Dinodia. Image #MAK-200671.

Original caption: Excited businesspeople in meeting.

Alternate caption: As this chart clearly illustrates, our share of elevated hand slaps is at an all-time high. Let us demonstrate.

Alternate caption: Our investment in a baby blue conference table has paid off. Well done, Steve. High five! 

If you would like, leave your own captions below. We will exchange elevated hands slaps next time we see you.

Not Your Usual Swimming Hole

Stock photography is no stranger to the beach and bikinis. Some of the sexiest stock images around come from photos taken at the beach or the pool. Whether it's a sexy swimsuit or the occasional tasteful glimpse of nudity, there are plenty of examples sexy women. What a tough job!

But enough talk. Lets go to the stock photos. Warning: Some of the photos below contain models that are naked or at least partially nude. Close your eyes if you would rather not see.

© Inspirestock. Image #ISPI051215.

© Pixtal. Image #WE073675.

© Tips. Image #492YAN00545.

© SodaClassic. Image #SUGT00800.

© FotoSearch RF. Image #U15011245.

© Imagebroker RM. Image #IBLMHA00613427.

© Corbis RF. Image #CB036009.

© Ojo Images RF. Image #PE0071557.

© Superstock. Image #1244-3578.

© PicturePress. Image #02027807.

5 Worst Christmas Gifts

Just like the creepy guy will undoubtedly find you at a party, bad Christmas gifts will find a way under your tree every year. To help you fight this phenomenon, we have decided to give you 5 horrible gifts to view now, in the form of stock photos. Good photos, bad presents. The way we see it, this should drastically reduce your chances of getting a slew of crummy gifts this year. If you got us any of the stuff on this list, it's not too late to take it back.

© Big Cheese. Image #BCP812-06.

1. Ugly Christmas sweater - Only acceptable if both parties are aware that this is such a bad Christmas gift that it almost makes it good. If you decide to go this route, you are required to wear an equally atrocious sweater while in the act of giving the gift. It's a rule. We don't make this stuff up.

© Glow Decor. Image #GDR91828867.

2. Magazine subscription - The only excuse here is if you are getting a Highlights subscription for a kid. Just because you heard someone say that they like to put jam on their toast once does not mean that they want a 12-month subscription to Jam Aficionado: "Preserving" Jam's Heritage, which isn't a real magazine (hopefully). Realistically, it's just gonna be something that stacks up next to their toilet.

© Glowimages RF. Image #GWC58744451.

3. "Remote" control car with wire - If you have to run along side it because it can't get any farther than 3 feet away, it is, by definition, not a remote control car. Nice try, Santa.

© Corbis RF. Image #42-20839104.

4. Off-brand toys - Action Man is a sorry substitute for G.I. Joe. A Super Action Metal Spring is no Slinky. RoseArt crayons are not Crayolas. Lettuce Garden Babies are not even a shadow of Cabbage Patch Kids.

© SodaClassic. Image #TOMA01146.

5. Underwear - Though your loved ones might sorely need new undergarments, that hardly makes it a worthwhile Christmas gift. Underwear is something you give on a random Tuesday. If you are giving someone underwear as a Christmas gift, you might as well give them toothpaste and deodorant too.

It's All in the Caption

After a visit to most stock photography sites, you can quickly see that the images are typically given a brief, descriptive caption. They are short, accurate and functional. On most stock photo sites, the captions figure into the search terms. Sometimes they are weighted by the site's search engine; sometimes they are not. But overall, the more accurate the caption is, the more likely you will be able to find the image you are looking for.

But from time to time, functionality has to give way to entertainment value. So, we were wondering what it would be like if we wrote the captions (without any regards as to how it would effect search results). Here's a taste of what it would happen.

© Cultura. Image #13HK0121RF.

Original caption: Suggestive couple in corridor.


Alternative caption: Man getting undeserved confidence boost from new pants and belt.


Alternative caption: Woman wondering why man's body is only 15% torso.

© EyeCandy Images. Image #EC115028.

Original caption: Three friends together.


Alternative caption: Three distant hipsters on a couch that somebody regrets buying. 


Alternative caption: Two women not being impressed by guy's futuristic furniture and giant potted plants.

© Pureline. Image #03933716.

Original caption: Cats wrangling paws.

Alternative caption: Kittens auditioning for the lead role in Over the Top 2: Arm-wresting without Thumbs.

Alternative caption: Kittens shaking hands in agreement over their plan to later scratch up the couch and unnecessarily bite the fingers of those who pet them. Let's do this thing!

Give it a shot if you feel the urge. Leave your captions below. Have fun!

Top 10 Sexy Christmas Photos

Unlike a large percentage of the world, sexiness doesn't take Christmas off. Sometimes it even seems to work a little harder. This is especially true in stock photography. The logic is pretty easy to follow. The holiday season is the time to sell; sex sells; photos can help you sell. The result: sexy stock photos.

In no particular order, here are 10 of the sexiest Christmas stock images we could find:

© Corbis RF. Image #42-17890953.

© Rubberball. Image #B05347F.

© Corbis RF. Image #42-18388820.

© Cultura. Image #DDL001247.

© Imagesource. Image #IS098U2LC.

© Imagebroker RM. Image #IBLALX00767785.

© Cultura. Image #10BSP0161CL.

© Pureline. Image #03860237.

 

© Corbis RF. Image #42-17890859.

© Imagebroker RF. Image #IBXALX01213407.

Nice Hooters

Owls. What did you think we were talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter. Shame on you . . . or us, for the misleading title.

© Amana Images. Image #10171001251.

© PicturePress. Image #02213474.

We just thought we'd share a brief gallery of some of the coolest looking animals around. After this is over, you can tell stock photography that you like their hooters. And you won't get smacked.

© Pureline. Image #03837906.

© Robert Harding. Image #764-714.

© ACP International. Image #ACP33635.

© Look Foto. Image #58092.

A Stock Photo Thanksgiving

If there is one thing that most stock photography sites know well, it's food. From appetizers to dessert, you can find all the stock photos of food and fixings you could ever need. And we are about to prove it. We slaved for minutes and minutes over a slightly warmer than room temperature computer preparing this meal for you, so please cherish it.

Here it is (in no particular serving order) :

© Stock Connection. Image #DRM1009.

© PhotoNonStop. Image #423092.

© Glowimages RM. Image #138530481.

© Foodcollection. Image #966021.

© Stockfood. Image #659332.

© Stockfood. Image #682035.

 

 

 

Predicting Your Friday

As a stock photography experiment, we want to see if we can predict what your Friday (or ours for that matter) will be like and find the stock photo that best shows each step. Let's look into our crystal ball and see what happens.

© Dinodia. Image #VDA-206700.

1. You finally wake up after about 4 snoozes. Oh, it's 7:50. And you have to be to work at 8:00. Oops. 

© Corbis RF. Image #CB009914.

2. On the way to work, you spill coffee on your shirt in the car. It happens every day, but you got yourself really good this time. Many swears are said. You start to consider wearing only coffee colored clothes to remedy this situation.

© Uppercut RF. Image #CSC12025.

3. This guy comes into your cubicle at the office and thinks he is hilarious. This is only the 10th consecutive Friday he has worn the mullet wig. Yes, Steve, we get it! Mullets are funny and it's not your real hair.You are a comedic genius . . .

© Westend61 RF. Image #CLF00190.

 4. You meet your friends at your favorite bar after work for a beer. Or 12. You are still wearing your coffee stained shirt which everyone seems to have noticed despite being tipsy in a dark bar. At some point, you try to rip off your shirt and it tears in such a way that it leaves you looking like Bruce Banner, post-Hulking out. 

© Hola. Image #424409833HOLA.

5. Mexican food. We all knew it would end like this. It's midnight and you are watching a horror movie that is more funny than scary. Try not to fall asleep on top of your nachos. Though, that would be a suitable ending to your day. Mmmm. Super nachos.


Let us know how clairvoyant these stock photos end up being. At this point, it seems more like a plan than a prediction.

Illustration Gets Naughty

We have talked before about the new edginess of illustration on stock photo sites. It is hipper and more relevant than it has ever been. What we neglected to mention is that it has also become downright sexy, in many cases. Rather than bore you with the evolution of illustration, we'll just give you some semi-naughty stock photography illustrations to look at.

Warning! Some of the illustrations below contain nudity or something very close to it.

© Smart Magna. Image #220102MB0397.

© Pureline. Image #03936239.

© Moodboard Plus. Image #14560004.

© Pixtal. Image #WE076988.

© PhotoNonStop. Image #1020507.

© DAJ. Image #DA101021.

© Radius. Image #600-01694633.

© ImageZoo. Image #ESU0011.

© ImageZoo. Image #JLI0010.

© Smart Magna. Image #220102MB0402.