Then, Things Got Awkward

© Photoalto Budget. Image #PAA426000034.

 

Ummm? Yeah . . . This happened.

Thanks, awkward family moments! You always seem to find a way to be captured on film.

It's All in the Caption: Fails

Despite all of our flourishing successes and brilliant decision-making, failures will occasionally occur. But it's what you do after a failure that really matters. Will you examine what went wrong and what you could have done to make it go right? Of course, that's what logic-loving people do. But you can also take a moment to laugh at yourself. If nothing else, it is humbling and therapeutic.

Since we don't have photo evidence of our own failures to poke fun at, we have once again tapped into a stock photography resource. Enjoy our alternative "FAIL" captions!

© Glowimages RF. Image #GWW71160031.

 

• Chest hair based seduction FAIL
• Casual glance FAIL
• Putting out the vibe FAIL
• Awkward silence WIN!

© Vico Images. Image #041751.

• And 1 FAIL
• Like Mike FAIL
• Vertical FAIL
• Above the rim FAIL
• Shoe endorsement deal FAIL
• Legendary streetballer FAIL
• Shorts FAIL
• Jimmy Chipwood FAIL
• White men can't jump WIN!

© Corbis RF. Image #42-18810436.

• Literacy FAIL
• Education FAIL
• Letting students write assignments on blackboard FAIL
• Play on words FAIL
• Last day before summer vacation WIN!

Please feel free to add your own FAILs in the comments. We'll even accept, "Fail blog post FAIL."

Top 5 Gross Food Photos

© Tips RM. Image #386FTS00156.

There is a fascination with disgusting foods, maybe because what is disgusting to one might be a delicacy to another. Since stock photography sites are a wealth of food imagery, we did some searching and found 5 foods that make us turn green (with nausea, not envy). More than just a way to gross ourselves out, this is an opportunity to face our culinary fears and venture into some uncharted territory.

Though we are a long way from trying these foods, getting familiar with them may help us get the hunger for experimentation. That doesn't guarantee that we won't just close our eyes and hold our breath when we finally try them. Baby steps, friends. Baby steps.

© Sofood. Image #077090.

• Mealworms - Nothing that ends in "worms" can be good. Unless it begins with "gummi". In which case, it is awesome.
• Cow tongue - Umm. It's a tongue. I would rather just make out with a cow.

© Tips RM. Image #386FTS00112.

• Fried crickets - Usually frying something makes it edible, but the thought of getting a cricket leg stuck between your teeth is enough to keep this gross.



© Stockfood. Image #199800.



© Imagebroker RF. Image #IBXSGR00140738.

• Pig's feet - Pigs have some good things to offer. Their feet is not one of them.

• Balut - It's a duck egg with a nearly developed duck embryo that is boiled alive and eaten. The only word in that sentence that isn't disgusting is "egg". 

So maybe we are farther away from trying these than when we started, but it was a good start.

What is the grossest food you have ever tried or wanted to try?

What Were They Thinking Back Then?

If you ever have looked through some old photo albums or books (or searched through a stock photo site) , you have certainly seen some things that make you wonder what the heck people were thinking back then.  Well, they had a lot of free time on their hands, for one. There was no TV, no Internet, no video games. And clearly, there were also different attitudes towards safety.

Case in point:

© F1online RF. Image #4391002.

 

 

I can only assume that the guy on top was severely mangled when this thing turned over. But with all this being said, you still have to wonder if they would think the same about us.

Case in point:

© Tips RM. Image #226PSC01871.

Yikes!

An Un-PC St. Patrick's Day Greeting

Times have changed, even for St. Patrick's Day. I dare say, you will not see another card like the one below again. Politically incorrect? Perhaps. But still a worth a second look. If for nothing else, let us admire the design and artwork of this vintage St. Paddy's Day card.

© ImageZoo. Image #CIR0214.

Lesson to be learned here: Old greeting cards can become new stock photos, while at the same time, old stock photos can become new greeting cards. Deep stuff, right?

See more like the image above here.

It's All in the Caption: The Surly Years

There's always that one person in the room that can't help but be a Debbie Downer. Malcontentedness is their mantra and pessimism is their passion. While we don't suggest publicly humiliating them, we do feel some retribution is called for. So, today's installment of "It's All in the Caption" gives us a chance for some friendly ribbing at the expense of the surlier ones among us. As always, we will be using stock photos so nobody gets hurt, but it should be a catharsis, nevertheless.

© Westend61 RF. Image #CRF00856.

Original caption: Boy rejecting banana

Alternate caption: God. I hate you, banana.

Alternate caption: Fruit is not nature's candy. Nice try, moms.

Alternate caption: If you think I am feeding myself, you are sorely mistaken.

© Corbis RF. Image #42-18218546.

Original caption: Sore loser

Alternate caption: Why do they call it Sorry? You don't seem sorry at all. Jerk.

Alternate caption: And thus began Steve's plan for global domination . . . He'll show you! He'll show ALL of you.

Alternate caption: Worst family game night ever.

 

 

© Tetra. Image #TI3600675.

   Original caption: Baby covered in birthday cake

  Alternate caption: What made you think I could handle this!?
 
  Alternate caption: Not exactly the poster child for self control.

  Alternate caption: Frosting up the nose. Instant buzz-kill.


  Click here for more captioning fun.

Terrible Greeting Cards

Stock photography sites are an ideal resource when creating greeting cards. They tend to have every angle of every iconic holiday image covered. They also have archival and vintage collections that make for good cards. Most sites will have extensive floral and botanical collections. And what is the next best thing to getting flowers? Getting a card with a picture of flowers. . . or maybe getting candy.

On the other hand, you can also find stock images for those not-so-friendly greeting cards. That topic will be more fun to visit, so that's what we'll cover today. Greeting cards for your enemies. Using road signs as a theme. Enjoy!

© Imagebroker RM. Image #IBLWES01056879.

 Possible text: Just in case you need directions for where I think you should go . . .

OR

I have a feeling you could get there without this clearly marked sign. I'll see you there . . . from Heaven.

© FogstockMIST. Image #006910.

Possible text: Apparently, there is a physical place that accurately describes my feelings towards you.

OR

Directions to you: Take a right at COULDN'TCARELESS, go straight on APATHY for a while. Turn left on SHRUG. Continue on until you pass EHH and DON'TGIVEA$%&!. You are now at WHATEVER. It should look familiar. Or not. Whatever.

Monkey Suits

Who doesn't enjoy a good chimp in a suit photo? Classic humor. On the comedic hierarchy, it falls somewhere above flatulence and slightly below cats falling off things. It hovers just above slipping on a banana peel and just below football to the groin.

Keeping that in  mind, we will explore the diverse uses of stock photos. In this case, we will use photos of chimps in clothing to demonstrate the potential comedic value of stock images, as well as their ability to inspire imaginative back story. This can lead you to your next creative idea, whether it be an ad or a thousand page novel. Or a paragraph about a monkey in a suit.

© Old Visuals. Image #EV004422.

Sam "Banana Peels" Bonney. Career wise-guy with a propensity for danger. Monkey danger. 

He often strolled about with a stern look upon his face and a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth, though he never smoked, mainly due to his inability to harness fire. Sam specialized in the smuggling of bootleg termite fishing sticks, making him a wanted man during Prohibition . . .Termite Prohibition.

Despite his tough exterior and occasional incidents of flinging things, he had a heart of gold, which, coupled with his opposable thumbs, made him popular in the community. 

Also, he wore shoes, which is pretty neat.

 See this image and more chimps in this gallery.

A picture is worth a thousand words. But you don't need quite that many. Play along and respond below. 

It's All in the Caption: Valentine Mishaps

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, it seems like the proper time to get everyone in the mood . . . in the mood of poking fun at Valentine's Day using a selection of stock images. In case you missed our previous installments, here's how it works. We take a few stock photos and rewrite their original captions for the sole purpose of making ourselves laugh.

© 81a. Image #81A-00003570-001.

Original caption: Singers wearing funny glasses.

Alternate Caption: A guy I'd like to punch.

Alternate Caption:  Guy failing in attempt to disarm the ladies with comical glasses. Note the genuine fear in her expression.

© Imagesource. Image #IS794-009.

Original Caption: Boy with an arrow through his head.

Alternate Caption: It turns out Cupid has horrible aim.

Alternate Caption: Luckily for him, prop comedy happens to be one of her "turn-ons". Weird.

© Gulfimages. Image #GI09053RF.

Original Caption: Portrait of a young man holding a heart-shaped object.

Alternate Caption: I made this for you. I hope you like things made of my own hair.

Alternate Caption: Man doing the best he can. At least, he dressed up.

Making Amends via Stock Photos

Stock images are a simple way to make your message clear and concise. And thanks to the diversity of available content on most stock photography sites, nearly any message you can think of can be illustrated. Today, we would like to bring former rivals together and unite them as friends using only the power of stock photos.

© Superstock. Image #252-295.

First up, the Frankenstein monster and fire. These age old rivals have had several run-ins over the years. It especially got heated when Frankenstein made the audacious claim that fire was not good, saying "Fire . . . BAD!!! Ahhhhh!".

His concerns do seem valid, as he mostly knows fire from the torches of angry mobs of villagers. But Frankenstein feels in his heart (or whoever's heart that in is there) that he may have misjudged fire. He had this to say, "Me think fire . . . eh, not so bad, once you get know him. Me think misunderstanding based on early childhood trauma and me project feelings onto fire. Also, Frankenstein Monster have daddy issues. Ahhh! Smash!"

© ImageZoo. Image #PGI0335.

He went on to express regret over the many s'mores he has missed out on. They aren't really the same with unroasted marshmallows. We are happy that we were finally able to bring these two together.

While this may not have been the most enlightening thing ever written, it does help us illustrate that stock photos can accommodate almost any concept. Consider that next time you get an idea that seems a little bizarre. There may be images out there that will help you get your message across.

Are there any other enemies that you would like to see make amends by way of stock photos? Vote over on the sidebar →.

It's All in the Caption: Business Edition

Due to popular demand (the demand of amusing ourselves), we're back with another installment of It's All in the Caption. For those of you that missed the first edition, click here to catch up. Basically, we take a few stock photos and rewrite their captions without any regard to how search results would be effected. Of course, we don't recommend stock photography sites adopt this practice. Despite its potential hilarious results, messing with captions too much can make the images unsearchable.

But, for now, let's live in our pretend world where everything exists for entertainment purposes only.

© Prisma RF. Image #90900998.

Original caption: Businessmen with laptop.


Alternate caption: Guys in the business of being cool and looking off into the distance.


Alternate caption: Three men who got through business school on their looks alone. Now, they can't figure out how to make a laptop work. That's right. Just pretend like it's not there. 

© Juice Images Light. Image #21231.

Original caption: Businessmen shaking hands.

Alternate caption: Everything was going fine with our handshake until someone invited this third guy. Well, this is awkward.

Alternate caption: The first meeting of the Crazy Glue executives started well, until they started shaking hands. Someone call the CEO of solvents.

© Dinodia. Image #MAK-200671.

Original caption: Excited businesspeople in meeting.

Alternate caption: As this chart clearly illustrates, our share of elevated hand slaps is at an all-time high. Let us demonstrate.

Alternate caption: Our investment in a baby blue conference table has paid off. Well done, Steve. High five! 

If you would like, leave your own captions below. We will exchange elevated hands slaps next time we see you.

5 Worst Christmas Gifts

Just like the creepy guy will undoubtedly find you at a party, bad Christmas gifts will find a way under your tree every year. To help you fight this phenomenon, we have decided to give you 5 horrible gifts to view now, in the form of stock photos. Good photos, bad presents. The way we see it, this should drastically reduce your chances of getting a slew of crummy gifts this year. If you got us any of the stuff on this list, it's not too late to take it back.

© Big Cheese. Image #BCP812-06.

1. Ugly Christmas sweater - Only acceptable if both parties are aware that this is such a bad Christmas gift that it almost makes it good. If you decide to go this route, you are required to wear an equally atrocious sweater while in the act of giving the gift. It's a rule. We don't make this stuff up.

© Glow Decor. Image #GDR91828867.

2. Magazine subscription - The only excuse here is if you are getting a Highlights subscription for a kid. Just because you heard someone say that they like to put jam on their toast once does not mean that they want a 12-month subscription to Jam Aficionado: "Preserving" Jam's Heritage, which isn't a real magazine (hopefully). Realistically, it's just gonna be something that stacks up next to their toilet.

© Glowimages RF. Image #GWC58744451.

3. "Remote" control car with wire - If you have to run along side it because it can't get any farther than 3 feet away, it is, by definition, not a remote control car. Nice try, Santa.

© Corbis RF. Image #42-20839104.

4. Off-brand toys - Action Man is a sorry substitute for G.I. Joe. A Super Action Metal Spring is no Slinky. RoseArt crayons are not Crayolas. Lettuce Garden Babies are not even a shadow of Cabbage Patch Kids.

© SodaClassic. Image #TOMA01146.

5. Underwear - Though your loved ones might sorely need new undergarments, that hardly makes it a worthwhile Christmas gift. Underwear is something you give on a random Tuesday. If you are giving someone underwear as a Christmas gift, you might as well give them toothpaste and deodorant too.

It's All in the Caption

After a visit to most stock photography sites, you can quickly see that the images are typically given a brief, descriptive caption. They are short, accurate and functional. On most stock photo sites, the captions figure into the search terms. Sometimes they are weighted by the site's search engine; sometimes they are not. But overall, the more accurate the caption is, the more likely you will be able to find the image you are looking for.

But from time to time, functionality has to give way to entertainment value. So, we were wondering what it would be like if we wrote the captions (without any regards as to how it would effect search results). Here's a taste of what it would happen.

© Cultura. Image #13HK0121RF.

Original caption: Suggestive couple in corridor.


Alternative caption: Man getting undeserved confidence boost from new pants and belt.


Alternative caption: Woman wondering why man's body is only 15% torso.

© EyeCandy Images. Image #EC115028.

Original caption: Three friends together.


Alternative caption: Three distant hipsters on a couch that somebody regrets buying. 


Alternative caption: Two women not being impressed by guy's futuristic furniture and giant potted plants.

© Pureline. Image #03933716.

Original caption: Cats wrangling paws.

Alternative caption: Kittens auditioning for the lead role in Over the Top 2: Arm-wresting without Thumbs.

Alternative caption: Kittens shaking hands in agreement over their plan to later scratch up the couch and unnecessarily bite the fingers of those who pet them. Let's do this thing!

Give it a shot if you feel the urge. Leave your captions below. Have fun!

Nice Hooters

Owls. What did you think we were talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter. Shame on you . . . or us, for the misleading title.

© Amana Images. Image #10171001251.

© PicturePress. Image #02213474.

We just thought we'd share a brief gallery of some of the coolest looking animals around. After this is over, you can tell stock photography that you like their hooters. And you won't get smacked.

© Pureline. Image #03837906.

© Robert Harding. Image #764-714.

© ACP International. Image #ACP33635.

© Look Foto. Image #58092.

Predicting Your Friday

As a stock photography experiment, we want to see if we can predict what your Friday (or ours for that matter) will be like and find the stock photo that best shows each step. Let's look into our crystal ball and see what happens.

© Dinodia. Image #VDA-206700.

1. You finally wake up after about 4 snoozes. Oh, it's 7:50. And you have to be to work at 8:00. Oops. 

© Corbis RF. Image #CB009914.

2. On the way to work, you spill coffee on your shirt in the car. It happens every day, but you got yourself really good this time. Many swears are said. You start to consider wearing only coffee colored clothes to remedy this situation.

© Uppercut RF. Image #CSC12025.

3. This guy comes into your cubicle at the office and thinks he is hilarious. This is only the 10th consecutive Friday he has worn the mullet wig. Yes, Steve, we get it! Mullets are funny and it's not your real hair.You are a comedic genius . . .

© Westend61 RF. Image #CLF00190.

 4. You meet your friends at your favorite bar after work for a beer. Or 12. You are still wearing your coffee stained shirt which everyone seems to have noticed despite being tipsy in a dark bar. At some point, you try to rip off your shirt and it tears in such a way that it leaves you looking like Bruce Banner, post-Hulking out. 

© Hola. Image #424409833HOLA.

5. Mexican food. We all knew it would end like this. It's midnight and you are watching a horror movie that is more funny than scary. Try not to fall asleep on top of your nachos. Though, that would be a suitable ending to your day. Mmmm. Super nachos.


Let us know how clairvoyant these stock photos end up being. At this point, it seems more like a plan than a prediction.

Hail to the Dumbphone

With all the smartphones flying around these days, we would like to take a moment to celebrate the not-as-smartphones or "dumphones", as some people call them. Sure, they might not have all the flashy apps and convenient internet connections. And maybe people will laugh at their inability to update Facebook.

© Etsa. Image #ETS7374.

But one thing is for sure, you can actually answer dumbphones when they ring! No matter how slick we are, no one looks cool answering a smartphone. We always look like grandpa the first time he held a TV remote, confused and scared of pushing the wrong button. Then, when you do answer it, you look like you are talking into a calculator. And we all know calculator automatically equals nerd.

So, we would like to pay tribute to the dumbphone the only way we know how, with a selection of some of our favorite stock photos featuring dumbphones. With that being said, if we had a smartphone, this could have been probably written and posted from the warm sands of a sunny beach somewhere, instead of from the inside of a gray cubicle. Hmmm. 


Well, anyway, please enjoy this stock photography tribute to the dumbphone.

© Big Cheese. Image #BCP022-14.

©  Glowimages. Image #101-5687041.

© Glowimages. Image #101-2316816.

© Glowimages. Image #101-2317738

Side note: This looks like an aging boy band whose theme is businessmen talking on cell phones. I hope we can catch them on tour. . .

© Glowimages. Image #101-5691878.